Wednesday, August 11, 2010
I Need a Place to Hide
I'm talking about the kind of place where I'm not going to run into anyone I know, the kind of place where no one is around so if I need to lay on my face in prayer, I can. If I need to pace or dance or play my music really loudly, I can. If I need to sing, no one else has to hear me. If I need to talk out loud to myself or to God, I can.
This feeling of needing to hide pops up more frequently these days. I suppose some of that has to do with parenthood - as any parent will tell you, there's no hiding with kids in the house. Even your morning shower is open to interruption once they're big enough to open doors on their own. I suppose another contributing factor is the heat of summer. When the weather is cooler, I like to work outside in parks and other places where you can find spots to be alone. Then, there's the leadership factor, i.e. the fact that there are always decisions to be made and almost never enough time to put the amount of thought, consideration and prayer the decision needs. E-mails come in, I hit reply. Situations happen, I react.
But let's be honest, the big reason I think the feeling comes with more frequency is self-imposed. I've chosen to roll with our culture and live in a way that opens and invites interruption 24/7. If someone sends me a message on facebook, my phone lights up. If I get a text it sounds an alert, and if I don't get it right away it sends another alert 5 minutes later. People know the church phone is my cell phone so if they don't get a call back quickly, they know it's not because I didn't get the message or at least see the missed call. So there's the guilt, the expectation and the constant contact. Most of the time, I thrive on this interaction. Sometimes, I need to hide.
I'm not meaning to complain. I sound like I'm complaining. Maybe I am complaining a little. But, what I'm trying to say is that I need a place to hide. I need some habits in my life to help me disconnect and get quiet enough to hear God. It might be a place, but it just as easily may be a discipline.
Any suggestions? How do you disconnect? Where do you go to rest?